I am putting my right hand on the Idiot's Guide to Blogging as I repeat these words out loud:
I do solemnly swear, with this God-like type font as my witness, to hold these three blogging responsibilities to be sacred in order to protect the integrity of my posting content:
I promise not to sound like an asstard. The blogging police do not make it mandatory to post daily; therefore, I will not post out of desparation. To that end, I promise not to post about any of my own, or anyone else's, bodily functions including, but not limited to, passing wind, burping, belly button fuzz, ear wax, toe jam, boogers, or any bodily process by which substances go out of the body.
I promise not to post my video of Mr P. (non-hubbie) doing his farting dance. I promise not to post any farting videos of any kind unless, of course, it involves a cute baby.
I promise to do what I do best - slyly poke fun at the absurdities of life to get your reaction, you know, for cheap thrills and giggles, without crossing my self-imposed invisible line of bad taste. I promise to refrain from posting the YouTube Hitler video about Michael Jackson not showing up at his birthday party, no matter how tempted I am.
Obviously, the punch line of a post can get lost when the subject is unknown to my reader. To that end, I vow not to reference an entertainer, public figure, or family member without an introduction or explanation; and when possible, I shall post an accompanying movie, video, or photograph to make my point crystal clear. Not everyone on this planet knows Steve Urkel, as Princess Braja pointed out to me, before she chopped off my arms and bludgeoned me with the bloody stumps.
Braja, this one's for you in honor of your Sunday Roast interview on authorblog today. I am doing the Steve Urkel dance of celebration. I would have inserted a YouTube video of the Urkel dance, but that would have been copyright infringement.
Lastly, I promise to be succinct. I know you have at least 50 other blogs you want to visit. As Shakespeare said, "Brevity is the soul of wit." Pouty
...just a few feathers where a brain used to be...resulted in just your average run-of-the-mill American humorist.
Sociable
22 comments:
Trust me to be first, as if I STALK YOU or something.
Wait...
Nah...
I have never been able to promise not to do anything in bad taste. At this point, I think my daughter would be very confused if I behaved myself.
I am proudly inappropriate! But respect your right to maintain decorum.
Shoot, I wanted to see Mr. P do his farting dance! Heavy sigh.
Thanks for visiting Oodles of Funch today Pouty Lips. I enjoyed my visit here very much. ;)
"self-imposed limit of bad taste" needs to clarified. The line is pretty faded, weather worn, and all but nonexistent. I think I only draw the line at no Nazi or crucifixion humor. It's totally codswallop. Don't believe everything I say.
All these rules... I'm afraid of rules. Very afraid. Are there some rules for how to follow the rules? That would help me...
Oh this is the best! Can I add, "I will not be a self-obsessed bitch and write all about fucking my husband?"
Normally, a Princess will not bludgeon another lady with body parts. It isn't elegant or ladylike. So says Babs, who knows about these things. ;-)
Well gee, I WANT to see the Hitler and MJ vid. What does that say about ME? Geez.
PS--I am with Pheromone Girl...I hate rools.
I never make promises like that;) But I would like you to go back on your one about Mr. P doing his little dance....
Princess Braja: Do you stalk me yourself, or is it one of your minions? Mewah!
Sandy: The whole oath thing is really overrated. Statistically most people don't keep their promises. I'm sure I'm no exception.
Ananda: I am forever banned from posting anything Mr. P.
Pheromone Girl: Rules shmooles. It's all nonsense.
RK: You can add that if you want to but I laugh my ass off at your rants.
Fireblossom: Princesses do not have to adhere to rules of etiquette, apparently.
Mental P Mama: Did I promise that? If I did my fingers were crossed behind my back ;)
'Hitler Finds Out Michael Jackson Has Died'
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELyTBXzfQJ8
To hell with the sacred girl, I'd like to see the farting dance
speak for yourself, love. i only am able to comment after having passed wind once. fortunately, my wind smells of jasmine.
Er, well, I promise to try to understand the promises that you dont mean to promise,also I will try not to remember that you said you dont mean a word of what you say.
Then if I understand this I will have to remember that too.
So on the whole it has to be said,That when you say anything its not true, but if you dont say it, then thats false, er is that correct Pouty? or is that not what you said, if so, then this must be the other way round, that you do mean what you say, but its false, not true, then on the other hand will that make all what I said true or not true.?
Then we have the question as to what is right or wrong to say anything or not to say this way round, or should that be right to say that.Well if you are not befuddled then I am, as to what you said in the 1st sentence?.Do I make sense, just like you did, or is it all true that you said what you said?
What DID you say??
Now we start to ask about passing wind, well here it is ...............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................and thats all I have to say about passing wind.
PS: I left you a present on my blog this morning!!
No bodily functions? What self-respecting blog doesn't contain those?
Hi ~ You are one creative lady but I kind of think it might be tough for you to keep all of these promises...and I love it when other people, besides me, sound like an asstard for a change! I so know the feeling of posting out of desparation so bodily functions sometimes are all that I have to write about. And I thought my family were the only ones who had a farting dance! Happy Blogging!
i know i don't visit often anymore, but i do giggle when iget here...love it! how you feeling now? hope loads better.
A bit of contraversy on ones blog never did us any harm..!!
CJ xx
No sounding like an asstard? No bodily functions? There goes my entire blog!
The bodily function oath stemmed from Pheromone Girl asking me not to be 'over the top potty' in a project she and I were working on together. You can't blame a girl for exploiting bodily function humor every once in a while for a cheap laugh.
Ah, I love your Idiot's Guide to Blogging! Excellent...I will try to memorize it. Also, I am also going to follow your blog now because I LOVE your sense of humor. Thanks for the chuckles!
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