Sociable

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Snacks With No Nutritional Value For The Win

The answer is: A snack food on which its box contains directions for procreation and caloric goodness.

What is a Pop Tart, Alex.


As I've complained before, I am known as the worst cook ever. When I first bought a box of poppy-tarts for my not-the-hubby, I had to read the toaster directions. Did you know there are two steps to preparing a pop'm'tart?

Step #1: Remove pastry from pouch.

Step #2: Insert pastry vertically.


At this point, I was wondering if the directions were for how to get the goodness in me, or directions on how to make a baby, or perhaps both.


I decided that was way too scary and confusing for me so I resorted to the second set of easier directions.


Microwave on high 3 seconds.

Sounds simple. Even I can do that, I thought. But this brought back the traumatic memories of my burning our kitchen down when I accidentally added an unwanted zero to the timer. Oh, forget it. I'll just eat them right out of the package. I guess you have to be pop-smart to toast a pop tart, and I'm not.


My friend, Pheromone Girl, created the Pop Tart Award to be given to bloggers who have an addictive story line. Apparently total and utter nonsense qualifies so she gave me the award. She also gave the award to the one and only original Pop Tart, Fireblossom, who then gave it to me. So I'm doubly popped by two tarts.

Now what I have to do is pass on the award to another blogger and link to one of their best posts. After much trepidation and inner turmoil I made my choice.

In honor of the NFL Frosted Brown Sugar Cinnamon Pop Tart, I nominate
Suldog for his story line concerning his own disdain upon receiving awards. You can read all about it in "Three Awards, A Meme, And A Fondue" here.

Now I'm hiding in my bunker and refusing to come out until the coast is clear. If you want to know why...well then, go read his post.

24 comments:

Riot Kitty said...

I can't remember the last time I ate a poptart, which is a good thing, but welcome to the club!

pheromone girl said...

Cold pop tarts are the best pop tarts. Try the smores....

I love your links. I'll write more when I stop laughing so hard I might pee...

Hilary said...

Oh my.. you are a brave woman, aren't you? I usually bring popcorn to Suldog's rants.. this time it would be appropriate to bring a pop tart.

Shionge said...

Hiya :D

Thank you so much for visiting my blog, I truly appreciate that :) Thanks for PG too for giving me the award :D

I love Pop Tart - a very American thing and I fell in love when I visited America. I'm glad I could get it here...speaking of which, me gonna have one now :D

Lynn said...

So what I want to know is will you birth tiny pop tarts if you follow those vertical directions? too funny.

jinksy said...

If I had one, I'd give you a bravery award for nominating Suldog! Perhaps a dustbin lid 'shield' would suffice?

imac said...

So! We find Pouty is not a tart(pop tart that is).lol
Simple - as ABC
A = open pop tart box and take out 1 pop tart
B = put in toaster, and push down knob
C = when pop tart pops up, take out and eat - but mind you dont burn your mouth.

Fireblossom said...

...and you ask me why I love PBN. Only you, Pouty, could come up with such a gloriously twisted post about pop tarts!

Pheromone Girl actually sent me some pop tarts. I wear them, still in the package, around my neck as jewelry. It's a poet thing.

jams o donnell said...

Amazingly (despite my inastiable appetite for junk) I have never eaten a pop tart.

I like that you refer to a not-the-hubby. She who must be obeyed is the not-wife!

Pouty Lips said...

RK: I eat them to get a serving of fruit.

PG: Try the Chocolate Banana Split...

Hilary: You'd better bring a whole box because I'm thinking his diatribe will be long.

Shionge: Maybe the best thing about getting this award was finding your blog.

Lynn: All 3 of my children were mini-tarts.

Jinksy: I've been smoking crayfish.

Imac: So I don't take the plastic wrapper off first before toasting? That's what I've been doing wrong.

Fireblossom: We could sell Pop Tart jewelry on E-Bay!

Jams: For the longest time I thought that was you in your Avatar until this past week's post. Mr. P is so sensitive about me never referring to him as my husband. Ours is not to question why, ours is but to die or be thrown out on the street.

JennyMac said...

I can not stand pop tarts! But my husband loves them and made sure to give them to our 2 year old when I was out of town. LOL.

LL Cool Joe said...

I've never had a Pop Tart. Now take that comment as you wish.

Well done for the award!

Mark said...

I love the award. Congratulations!

Suldog said...

RRRRRAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!!

(That's the sound of my inner beast complaining about being awakened. He is not happy. You would have been better off putting yourself in the microwave.)

Yum! Pop Tarts!

Sometime later this week, in all probability, you reckless woman.

Mental P Mama said...

They make them with whole grain now;) That has to be good for you. Right?

SandyCarlson said...

I am with you--not in the kitchen. These are among my daughter's favorite lunchbox snacks. I hope she never reads the directions nad finds there's another way.

Zerilda The Superfluous Blogger said...

oh i LOVE LOVE LOVE poptarts. we have two choices for them here. chocolate and some other crappy one. i want my maple and brown sugar! dangit!

Not The Rockefellers said...

I like the plain oldschool Pop-Tarts. I don't care much for the new aerodynamic,frosting enshrouded versions. Plain, blueberry, toasted in a toaster.

Peace - Rene

Suldog said...

The award has been accepted!

http://jimsuldog.blogspot.com/2009/07/awards-of-smiley-brown-sugar-cinnamon.html

Deborah said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Deborah said...

Hi,
Just want to be the first to say congratulations, wink* wink*

Mama Zen said...

Pop tarts are like revenge; serve 'em cold!

Congratulations!

secret agent woman said...

I eat a poptart once in a while, but have found I don't really like them. But I do have a weakness for sugary cereals.

Marguerite said...

Maybe they could make a crawfish pop tart especially for Suldog. This is going to be good! Congrats!