...just a few feathers where a brain used to be...resulted in just your average run-of-the-mill American humorist.
Sociable
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Partly Pouty
I've been busy between full-time work and graduate school and Mr P retiring. I threw him a party - I wrote skits, top ten lists, and invited all of the people he's ever worked with. Then the most horrible thing happened. His family found out about it and invited themselves. His family consists of his mother and brother. They made me look like an ass.
Brother P took the whole thing over. (What do I know about throwing a retirement party?) Apparently Brother P thought his air force experience better qualified him. His mother was talking incessantly through the whole thing, poking me, and telling me that I should have invited her 86-year-old best friend. Neither of them would let me be.
(Judging by this skit, I'd say whoever thinks lawyers are no fun is seriously mistaken.)
Remember not so long ago I told you all that I almost got laid off? If it weren't for my former boss (who campaigned to find someone to give me a job) I'd be unemployed. I proudly introduced my ex-boss to Brother P who said: "Susan, he doesn't look like a big PR*CK."
So, I ask you:
Does ANYONE have a use for a socially inept 54-year-old I'm selling on E-Bay? I'll throw the mother in for free. Human trafficking laws "be damned!"
Filling all his sinuses with cake mix until he suffocates is one solution to the brother problem.
As for the mother, tell her she's won a cruise, and then set her aboard some old hulk that's being used for target practice. Afterward, if you feel the slightest bit guilty, remember that her dumb ass is serving as a platform for a new coral reef.
Kate: I wrote this on Sept 14th. It took my 3 weeks to get over it.
Fragrant Liar: Bad genes and too much alcohol.
Lynn: THAT brother did really say that. Although Mr P is retired, the next day he got up, got dressed, and visited my ex-boss to apologize. Reportedly, the ex-boss had no trouble believing Brother Bozo is a psycho.
LOL Fireblossom had the best idea I think. I'd go for that if I were you. I see you know a couple of lawyers, so if they should survive the cake mix torture and the wonderful cruise ... Poor you. Your in-laws might be even worse than mine. Perhaps this is a site for you: http://www.ihatemyinlaws.com/
Funny you should mention this offer but my plan for world domination involves a laser weapon powered by a human treadmill. No cash now but I can offer you overlordship of the 5 American states of your choice as recompense
(Judging by this skit, I'd say whoever thinks lawyers are no fun is seriously mistaken.)
13 comments:
Filling all his sinuses with cake mix until he suffocates is one solution to the brother problem.
As for the mother, tell her she's won a cruise, and then set her aboard some old hulk that's being used for target practice. Afterward, if you feel the slightest bit guilty, remember that her dumb ass is serving as a platform for a new coral reef.
:L
you tried..!
Good gawd! Why do our sig-o's families have to be such asses? I think you're on the right track with E-Bay.
ROTFLOL...I Know a good hit man, need the number? Oy vey!!!!
I bet your party was great because of all YOU DID!!!
Did that brother really say that?
Did your boss believe him?
OHMYGOD.
Hugs...Glad to know lawyers can be funny. LOL
Fireblossom: You made me laugh out loud.
Kate: I wrote this on Sept 14th. It took my 3 weeks to get over it.
Fragrant Liar: Bad genes and too much alcohol.
Lynn: THAT brother did really say that. Although Mr P is retired, the next day he got up, got dressed, and visited my ex-boss to apologize. Reportedly, the ex-boss had no trouble believing Brother Bozo is a psycho.
Thanks dear, but I have enough psychos in my life as it is. Nice of you to offer though
OMG! I thought I'd been through some uncomfortable moments with MY family.
Jazz: Pretty please???
Riot Kitty: The mother still doesn't understand why we had to apologize.
lol, i've got a few candidates to add tot he sale myself!
Lime: I like Fireblossom's idea; check it out.
Fireblossom wins. I am taking notes;)
LOL
Fireblossom had the best idea I think. I'd go for that if I were you. I see you know a couple of lawyers, so if they should survive the cake mix torture and the wonderful cruise ...
Poor you. Your in-laws might be even worse than mine. Perhaps this is a site for you: http://www.ihatemyinlaws.com/
Funny you should mention this offer but my plan for world domination involves a laser weapon powered by a human treadmill. No cash now but I can offer you overlordship of the 5 American states of your choice as recompense
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